Self-Awareness

Sometimes I need to write these letters to help myself get over self-imposed hurdles in my life. Yesterday was one such post. As I was getting ready to turn in for the night last night I took a mental inventory as I do every single night. This time though my mind filled up with all sorts of things and I quickly realized something that was defining my entire week. I was allowing all of these outside sources to rule my life for the past few days and I could feel the toxicity of all of that weighing down on me. At some point this week I threw my inner self aside and left myself open to being bent, stretched, pulled, pushed in all sorts of emotional directions that I wasn’t ok with.

I am tired

Last week I spoke about feeling like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Today, even more than that day, I feel that way. I feel more tired than last time though. I have these blips on my radar lately that pick me up, make me smile, and help me to understand that life is great but the past few weeks have been trying mentally. The last thing I want is this to become a sob story and for you to feel bad for me. Quite the opposite in fact. I want you to know that it is ok to not feel amazing each and every single day.

Remembrance

Just over one year ago I came to a standstill on the path that I was on and turned around. As I sit here and recall the events of those first few weeks, I cannot help but feel touched at where I am now. Without the guidance from some amazing folks in my life that encouraged, listened, and assisted me over the past year I am uncertain where exactly I would be right now. I am quite convinced I would still be struggling to turn around on that path I was on.

Confrontation

Arguments are one of the most uncomfortable places that come with my job as a manager. In the past, I used to take the napalm, burn it all down approach. As it turns out that approach does not work for anyone involved and never ends up in any conclusions. With that being said these days I try to let the facts speak for themselves and make every attempt to avoid conflict as much as I possibly can.

My Faith

I was thinking today about why it is that I believe in God, have the faith that I do, find myself on the path I am on, and how I am ok with all of this. In a society that is growing further away from their faith how am I allowing myself to be drawn closer? When I was a kid I might have only believed in God because that is what I was told to do, the example I was following, and just another right of passage as a Catholic, in other words, it was just something I felt like I had to do because of those that came before me. I never really understood why or comprehended how Jesus worked through my life. Perhaps I was blind, or ignorant to His great works but it didn’t click.

You are good to me

I think of the people in my life and how good they continue to be to me. I can only hope that I return that gift in some way, shape, or form for you. Know that you are always in my prayers and I wish you success in whatever you do and am always there to help brush you off when you fall.

My Peace

I have a weekly phone call with a dear friend of mine, and we dive into all sorts of topics and discussions, and it’s perhaps one of the times I look forward to the most each week. This past week he asked me something along the lines of what my peace is. What a question that was! I’ve been thinking about it ever since he asked me.

Useless

I firmly believe that if you cannot think of others in the actions that you take daily, then you are no better off than the rock you see sitting on the side of the road ready to be swept away or kicked a few feet down the street by some passerby. That notion might sound harsh but give it some thought for a minute. The idea that nothing or no-one else matters, but yourself is one that I, to this very day, cannot comprehend.

Fall Apart

You are the one who gives you second, third, and fourth chances. And while the world will flux and flow around us and exert itself upon us know that you are strong enough, wise enough, and thoughtful enough to understand just how much of that pressure you can take before you start to show cracks. Action is essential and needs to happen within our lives, or we find ourselves stalling out, and everything beyond that point will be harder to accomplish. Sure, you could float through life like a bump on a log but when you look back on everything you have done how are you going to feel? Our time here is but a blip on the timeline of forever. Why should squander that when we have the most amazing of gifts: the ability to start over.