Struggle.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
— Psalm 46:1

Sisters & Brothers,

The past 24 hours have been fairly stressful to get through. Someone decided that they wanted to use my bank debit card to pay a bunch of their bills. Fun right? I did what most of us do when this happens...promptly freak out, collect my thoughts and called my bank. I called my bank because they're supposed to be the ones that make all of this right again, after all I'm a valued customer right? Turns out it was just made worse when I gave my bank a call. Thinking that this could be resolved easily I then find out that it actually can't. It takes time (up to 10 days) to resolve and all the while I get to sit here and watch the violations on my account just mock me. There were also customer service issues that came up: being told 3 different things by 3 different people is an major organizational failure to me.

With that being said last night after all this was said and done I sat down to try and muddle my way through night prayer and the rosary. I usually observe some time after the rosary for silent prayer but something in me was saying "do silent prayer before night prayer tonight". I'm a creature of habit so this definitely wasn't me saying to do this but I looked up and out of one of my windows and remembered that Jesus has the wheel on this journey, not me. So I sat there in silence for about 30 minutes and it calmed my heart & my mind and I had some realizations and felt so much better. Even at morning mass this morning I found great peace within my heart and soul.

Forgiveness.

I needed to forgive this person (whoever you are) for wronging me and putting me through this period of stress. This speaks volumes to my previous post about forgiveness and how Jesus would forgive them so who am I to not to the same thing? So I forgave this person for what they've done. I want to let this person know that if they knew who I was they would know that had they just asked I would have given them whatever I could to help with what they needed. Your needs were clearly greater than mine last night (or maybe they weren't and you were just being greedy) but either way, I'll pray for you and I've forgiven you.

Struggle.

I've been wrestling with forgiving this person and just being super stressed about the situation they have put me in. As much as I want to say that I shouldn't be wrestling with this I can't. I'm human. I keep telling myself that Jesus died for us and this just a minor blip on that scale and that seems to help. He took on the debt of the world for us and here I am worrying about the next few days of my life. It's getting better and the skies in my heart are getting much more clear but they were pretty dark for awhile. The angels around me were telling me not to worry and that everything will be ok but I think there's just a part of all of us that thinks "what if it isn't ok?". I also think about how this is what I'm dwelling on when I can't actually do anything about what happened. I think about the customer service folks that get these phones calls every day. I don't know how you do it, it's impressive to me. I'd be stressed to the max every day after dealing with people on the other end of the phone line. I'll pray for them as well.

The bottom line here is that in the grand scheme of life and this journey I'm on this is just something to work through and I will. I'll come out on the other side just fine and look back on it and have learned things. It's also managed to strengthen my faith immensely. This was the first real major issue I've had since I've let "Jesus take the wheel" and I had to keep telling myself to let him keep driving and not insist that I take over for a bit.

Remember that even in periods of stress, worry, sadness and loss God is always right there with us all we need to do is give Him the time to talk and guide us through it. 

Yours,
Jeff

Photo by Donald Teel on Unsplash