I'm a 36 year old IT Manager at a University in Providence, RI who is currently discerning a priestly vocation.

It's a long road

It's a long road

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end...
— Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude

Brothers & Sisters,

The truth is that I don't know where I'm going. But as Thomas Merton so eloquently put it "I believe that the desire to please God does, in fact, please Him." Over the past couple of weeks, I've spoken at length about ensuring that our lives are directed towards pleasing God and living the life that He'd want us to live. If we understand that notion, then we will always be wary of that desire in all that we do, and with the grace of God, we'll always do what he desires of us.

There's definitely a certain level of trust that comes with this that some of you might not be ready or willing to agree to. As someone who was in those same shoes a little less than a year ago, please allow me to be a witness for you. I had many questions, thoughts, and fears when it came to God and His plan for me and through quite a few restless nights and lots of prayers I began to understand that it was a fool's errand to question in His ways and if I trust my friends without question why shouldn't I trust Him without question? Seriously, have you ever thought about why you believe the people in your life but question God of whom you've professed your faith in and have been taught is perfect in all ways? If anything the tables should be turned right? One ought to be skeptical of their friends and trusting in God. The reality is that God won't ever lead us astray and we might not always understand His ways and it's up to us to be ok with not knowing where we're going and still believe He is with us in everything we do.

The following prayer is from Thomas Merton's book Thoughts in Solitude and has been the primary driver for most of my thoughts regarding trust in God over the past year or so. I've also included a reading of this prayer from Father James Martin when he spoke with Krista Tippett on her On Being podcast.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does, in fact, please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

Yours,
Jeff

Deeper

Deeper

Grace

Grace