I'm a 36 year old IT Manager at a University in Providence, RI who is currently discerning a priestly vocation.

Seeking

Seeking

“Now, behold, the hand of the Lord is upon you, and you will be blind and not see the sun for a time.” And immediately a mist and a darkness fell upon him, and he went about seeking those who would lead him by the hand.
— Acts 13:11

Brothers & Sisters,

I was listening to a podcast today, and Father James Martin was talking about his vocation story and how when he was working at GE he felt like a square peg in a round hole. That statement sent shivers down my spine. I can't help but feel the same these days.

As I continue on this journey I always have to remind myself that the people that work for me, with me, and are part of my life are witnesses to this journey, but that is all. Some might show support, but they aren't required to do so. Being a manager of a team has proven to be a bit more difficult in some ways and more natural in other ways. In some ways, I'm far more patient and deliberate than I was in the past as a manager and tend to try and look at all sides of a situation before responding. On the other hand, I find myself getting frustrated when work isn't completed how I had asked for it to be done or the quality is lower than I had expected. Whether that is due to my expectations being too high, laziness on the part of the individual or something else, this tends to be the most trying part of my job currently. I pray about it quite a bit, searching for answers on how to deal with this reality. It's hard for me to put into words how I feel about all of this. I've spent more car rides home feeling defeated than feeling good about what we've accomplished that day. Perhaps, that's just me feeling like a square peg in a round hole, and this is just a bi-product of this path I'm on. Life is always going to have its frustrating moments and perhaps this period of frustration is just a test that I'm in the middle of.

Luckily for me home means wrapping myself up in prayer, writing, reading, etc. I don't generally have to think about work after hours and can decompress and focus more on the things I'm being pulled towards, and that's a great reset button for me. Praying in the morning also sets me off on the right path and one that makes it much easier to approach each day with optimism. There was a time where I'd go to bed only to wake up with more doom and gloom, and that would always set my day up for failure. Really, at the end of the day, I'm alive, I thank God for that, I pray for a better day tomorrow and keep on moving. We're always going to have frustrations in our lives we just have to be aware of how we're dealing with them. No one is perfect, and we should only expect perfection from Him.

Yours,
Jeff

Get out of your own way

Get out of your own way

Him

Him