I am tired
Brothers & Sisters,
Last week I spoke about feeling like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Today, even more than that day, I feel that way. I feel more tired than last time though. I have these blips on my radar lately that pick me up, make me smile, and help me to understand that life is great but the past few weeks have been trying mentally. The last thing I want is this to become a sob story and for you to feel bad for me. Quite the opposite in fact. I want you to know that it is ok to not feel amazing each and every single day.
The truth is that I find my work incredibly taxing at times, whether that is with the people I work with or just my own job in general. It isn’t that it is difficult, but mentally I have periods where I am utterly drained. I am sure you have all gone through the same ups and downs in your career. It makes you think about a lot of things. I tend to look in at myself and try to figure out what I can do better, how I can approach a situation differently, etc. Then there are times like this in which I find myself at my absolute wit's end and am unsure how to proceed. I feel lost. I feel buried under a mountain of managing expectations of numerous people with different personalities and work ethics. I keep telling myself that “that this too shall pass…” but do you ever just want to scream at the top of your lungs and let the world know that you’re trudging through a valley, overburdened, and just need a breather? I’m with you right there and know that feeling.
I’ve barely spoken a word at work today unless it’s answering and asking questions and that isn’t like me, but it is where I am at mentally right now. I’d rather avoid the conversations than have them, sit here with my headphones on, get my work done and watch the time tick by. Tomorrow is a new day and so it the one after that and after that.
I'm looking forward to those new days in the hopes they bring some peace and sunshine.